My journey is over. The cycle of doctors, surgery, therapy, government and my career has come to an emotional end. What end you wonder? My work career ended November 2012; torn tendons in both shoulders and later knowledge of torn cartilage in both knees, sever degenerated discs in neck and spine have made the last years of work very difficult since 2008. Other afflictions; surgery on the right shoulder, being told I could never do my job again, and having constant pain in one or more body parts, added to the misery at the beginning of this year, making me doubt my worthiness as a husband and a man.
I have worked all my life. Starting at fifteen years old; those were the days of sanding drywall all summer, breathing in asbestos cement. From fifteen to fifty-five ½ , I was a dry wall taper (except for a year ½ working underground in a mine during the recession of the early 1980’s when there was no construction work). My body has paid the price for the forty years of repetitive physical work.
During last winter on some of my most depressed days, I prayed and cried and kept praying, this time, for myself. My prayers have been mostly for people other than myself but I was at my wits end. I had been turned down on my first application for disability. The depression of not earning any income for well over a year along with the physical problems and pains, forced me to pray for myself. I would only pray for myself under extreme conditions. I just found it made me feel selfish. So many people by the millions have it worse than me. I was wrong about that. It is ok to pray for yourself ~ yet I will still pray for the needy before my own needs.
I prayed to God; the Father’s love, Jesus, the forgiver, and the Holy Ghosts’ guidance. Our Lord, the Holy Trinity, does listen. God knows how much you can bear. He knows how long you can wait. God can also end suffering very quickly.
My Lord and Saviour has saved me yet again from the depression. God answered my prayer and the government has recognized my disability. God and my wife have eased my soul.
I can never thank God enough. A billion “thank yous” could not cut it. The only way I know how to thank God is to let Him into my soul, my very being, my manhood – to open up heart and soul. God has always, always been my best friend. Throughout my whole life He has been there for me and now it’s my turn to be fully open. Pray to God. Pray for yourself as well as others. But talk to God all the time. He is your Father as well as your best friend.
It is difficult to relate God’s love to others. God has gone way beyond my dreams and shown love like He only can. I am blessed and very humbled by all the love God has shown me. I will do my best to sing out His Name to those who will listen. Answer to prayers do not always come fast and easy. Sometimes the years needed for some prayers seem hard to understand. It tests your faith, your commitment, it tests your very soul. Prayer is always heard and answered. Most of the time when you pray it will not be answered when you want it to but when God deems it the right time. God knows the right time and way to resolve a situation, in the meantime, we may have to endure a little hardship to strengthen our souls and our faith in God.
So please keep praying. Keep the faith and never, ever give up. Your prayer may be answered quickly or not but God is listening. God is your friend, God will not let you down.
By Rock's Rose/ E.W.Rantala